


everything is great, everything is fucking great

by Hazloveshisboo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Recovery, Slow Burn, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier Handler!Steve, and also, kind of, this is a huge mix of everything, this is completely self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazloveshisboo/pseuds/Hazloveshisboo
Summary: “Time to go, Agent,” Pierce said. “The Soldier needs to recharge, and you need to be ready. Project Insight is big, and the Captain and his friends will do anything they can to stop it.” Steve nodded and walked out of the room, glancing back at the frozen face of the Soldier one last time.fic based on this AU gifsetx





	everything is great, everything is fucking great

**Author's Note:**

> as I said in the notes, this fic is completely self-indulgent. I saw the gifset and needed it in my life and I read all the handler!Steve fics I could find but there weren't enough so here we are. I hope you enjoy
> 
> title from Miss You by Louis Tomlinson
> 
> p.s this was my first time writing stucky fic so pls tell me if the characterization is off or I fucked something up

Steve walked quickly through the dark halls leading to the room where the Winter Soldier was kept, several heavily armed guards flanking him on either side. He pushed the door open to see the Soldier sitting in full tac gear. The Soldier looked up as Steve walked in and, unnoticeable to anyone else, his face softened just a fraction. 

“Why is he awake already? You know I like to be the first person he sees,” Steve barked at the technician that was looking at a clipboard next to the Soldier. 

“Director Pierce insisted,” she said. “It is fully functional and ready to go.” Steve bit back his retort of disgust at the dehumanizing pronoun and stepped up to the Soldier. 

“Ready?” he asked quietly, checking over the Soldier’s gear and arm. The Soldier nodded minutely and glanced up at Steve’s face. “Let’s go then. Van’s waiting.” Steve moved back and allowed the Soldier to stand, leading him back down the hall and outside to the waiting vehicle. Steve opened the back door and allowed the Soldier to climb in, getting in after and sitting across from him. “Mission is to detain Captain America and anyone helping him. Understood?” Steve asked, handing a rifle over, along with several knives and grenades. The Soldier gave a curt nod and hid the weapons all over his body before slinging the rifle over his shoulder. Finally, Steve handed over the mask and goggles, and the Soldier fit them on his face. They sat silently for the remainder of the ride and when the van came to a stop, Steve opened the door and stepped out, the Soldier following closely. Steve spoke with one of the other agents for a moment before turning back to the Soldier. 

“Your target is in a black, four door sedan; four passengers, traveling east on that interstate. Stop them by any means necessary,” he ordered and with a solitary nod, the Soldier turned and walked away. Steve watched him, the Soldier scaling the concrete to the raised asphalt with ease. Within minutes he was on top of the targeted car, yanking the steering wheel out from the windshield. After that, Steve lost sight of the Soldier for a few, anxiety-ridden minutes until he dropped down onto a car not twenty feet away. He let out a small sigh of relief and grabbed a grenade launcher from the van and walked forward to meet the Soldier, swapping weapons with him. “I’m right behind you,” he told the Soldier. The Soldier continued without acknowledging Steve’s words besides a slight twitch of his head in Steve’s direction. Steve tracked the Soldier with his eyes as he walked forward to where the Captain was hiding. Steve raised his own rifle and looked through the scope, checking for the two associates working with the Captain, pulling the trigger whenever he caught sight of either. Steve could feel his heart rate rise as he lost sight of both the redhead and the Soldier until he noticed the Soldier picking himself back up off the ground and the redhead running in the opposite direction. Steve lifted his gun and looked through the scope, shooting her without hesitation. She fell as the bullet hit her shoulder and Steve looked back to the Soldier who was already heading toward the Captain. Steve followed quickly, motioning the agents into formation behind him. They came up to the Soldier and the Captain just as the Soldier was walking back toward them, the Captain on the ground, bleeding in several places and almost unconscious. 

“Let’s go, Soldier,” Steve said and walked back with him toward their transport van. The Soldier went easily and climbed in the back. This time Steve sat on the same side as the Soldier and almost immediately, the Soldier slumped against Steve’s shoulder, letting out an exhausted huff. “You did good, Soldier,” Steve said quietly, looking down at the other man. His mask and goggles had both fallen off sometime during the fight, so Steve was able to see his face, the tired eyes and dry lips. The Soldier leant against Steve the entire ride back to the facility and followed him down to the room with his cryogenic tank. Pierce was waiting for them, making Steve frown slightly. 

“Director,” he greeted Pierce. “Can I help you with anything?”

“The Captain and his associates escaped,” Pierce said, looking over at the Soldier. “Not either of your faults. One of our agents was incapacitated during the fight and a SHIELD agent took their place. We don’t know where they have gone but we’re going to need to move up Project Insight because of it. The Soldier will need to be put into cryo immediately to recover. We’re going to need it when the helicarriers go up. The Captain and his team will try something.” 

“You’re putting him back under already?” Steve asked. “That’s not safe for him, Director. It might do more harm than good.”

“It will be fine. And I might remind you, Agent, that the Soldier is a weapon. Not a man. If you can’t remember that then I will find it a new handler,” Pierce threatened. 

“You don’t have anyone else on such short notice. Not if you want this project done as fast as it seems,” Steve said quietly, calculating. “What is this Project Insight, anyway? Why is it so important?”

“It will take everyone that is of a concern to Hydra out of the equation,” Pierce said simply. Steve froze. He had been a part of Hydra long enough to know exactly what that meant. 

“And how many people is that, Director?” Steve asked. Pierce shrugged. 

“The first wave of targets is just under one million.” Steve’s breath caught in his throat, but he kept silent and still. It was quiet for a long moment, Pierce and Steve staring each other down.

“Who was that man on the bridge?” the Soldier asked suddenly, bringing the attention of the two men to him. Pierce narrowed his eyes at the Soldier.

“Why does it matter?” he spoke carefully. The Soldier looked down at his lap and shrugged. 

“He called me something…he called me James. Who is James?” The Soldier looked to Steve then and before Steve could make a move forward, Pierce had slapped the Soldier hard across the face, the Soldier’s head turning away. Steve saw red and before he could think about it, he had Pierce’s wrist in his grip and their faces were only inches away from each other. 

“With all due respect, Director, lay a finger on the Soldier again, and I’ll break every single bone in your hand. He’s in my charge,” Steve said quietly, voice tight as he spoke. Pierce eyed him closely. 

“Wipe him,” Pierce ordered without looking away from Steve. “And don’t ever threaten me again, Agent.”

“I will do whatever I think is necessary to keep any soldier in my charge safe,” Steve replied, letting go of Pierce to turn to the Soldier, taking the mouth guard from one of the scientists. He watched as the Soldier moved to sit back in the chair and the headgear came down. Steve took a deep breath and held the mouthguard out for the Soldier to bite down on, watching the fear creep into the Soldiers eyes as one of the scientists flicked the switch and the electric shock began. Steve closed his eyes as the Soldier began to scream and convulse. Once the Soldier’s body fell lifeless against the chair, the same scientist flipped the machine off. Steve carefully pried the mouthguard from the Soldier’s lips and the lifted him, laying him gently in the rusted cryogenic chamber. Once the chamber was sealed, Steve stepped back and took a deep breath, watching the Soldier’s face through the small window. 

“Time to go, Agent,” Pierce said. “The Soldier needs to recharge, and you need to be ready. Project Insight is big, and the Captain and his friends will do anything they can to stop it.” Steve nodded and walked out of the room, glancing back at the frozen face of the Soldier one last time. 

***  
For the next week, Steve did as much research into Project Insight and the origins of the Winter Soldier as he could. As much as he found out about Project Insight, there was nothing on the Winter Soldier which meant that anything about him was on paper, hidden away somewhere so no one could read the horror within. When Steve signed up for Hydra almost four years ago, not only did they give him something that cured his many ailments and allowed him to bulk up, but he thought he would be helping the world, helping create order and justice. But how wrong he was. Hydra was nothing more than a Nazi organization and he couldn’t just do nothing. Which was he needed to track down Captain America. 

It was fairly easy to do so, just a few hacked cell phones and security cameras and he knew the Captain’s exact location. He hotwired a car and was on his way. The Captain was locked away in some underground bunker and instead of breaking in like he normally would, he knocked on the door, a loud echo following it. Within a minute, the door was yanked open and a gun pointed in his face. He sighed. “I’m here for Sam Wilson. I know he’s here and I need to speak to him.” 

“Agent Hill,” the man said without lowering the gun. “He says he wants to see the Captain.” After a moment, he lowered the gun. “Follow me.” Steve walked into the bunker and walked behind the man as he was led down several hallways before reaching a door. The man nodded his head at it and Steve rolled his eyes before opening it and entering. Inside was a metal table with five chairs, four already occupied. He recognized the Captain and the redhead who he assumed was Black Widow, the brunette was Agent Maria Hill from SHIELD. He didn’t recognize the final man in the room, but he was the one that was detained with the Captain and Widow the week before. 

“Hello,” Steve said as he took a seat in the chair across from them. “I’m sure you’re all wondering-”

“Wondering what a known Hydra operative is doing knocking at our door? Yeah, we were,” the Captain said flatly. Steve smirked slightly.

“If you know I’m Hydra then I’m guessing you also know about Project Insight,” Steve said, and Agent Hill nodded. “And what about the Winter Soldier?”

“We know very little about what happened to him after he became the Winter Soldier, but we think we might know who he was before,” Widow offered. “What I know is that he’s a ghost story. Credited with countless assassinations but never apprehended or even seen. The reports go all the way back to the fifties. What do you know about him?” 

“Nothing like that,” Steve shook his head. “But I’ve been his handler for about a year, so I know how he is trained. I know his commands and I know how he is kept. You said you might know who he was before.” Widow nodded and set a file on the table, sliding it over to him. Steve flipped it open to see a picture of the Soldier but younger, happier – a picture of a person. “This is him,” Steve said. “Without a doubt, this is the Soldier.” 

“How can you be sure?” the Captain asked. Steve glanced up at him.

“Because I have spent hours and hours alone with Soldier. I know what he looks like when he eats, when he sleeps, when he shoots. I know his eyes and the curve of his mouth and the way his chin dimples. This,” he pointed to the picture, “is the Winter Soldier. Or who he was.” The Widow tilted her head at him as he spoke, almost curiously. 

“Alright then, so that’s the Winter Soldier. How do we stop him?” the man Steve didn’t recognize asked. 

“And just what do you mean by stop? If you mean to kill him, I will let you know right now that I would not hesitate to put a bullet in each of your skulls to keep him safe,” Steve said evenly, calmly. “Speaking of bullet wounds, how is yours healing?” he directed his question to Widow. She looked a little taken aback.

“I thought the Winter Soldier shot me,” she said, eyes narrowing. 

“No, he didn’t. I shot you. The Soldier is in my charge and you were a threat to his safety. I made sure not to hit anything vital, just needed to immobilize you,” Steve explained. 

“So, this…James Buchanan Barnes is the Winter Soldier then. He’s going to come after you when you try to take down Project Insight.” 

“And you can’t stop him?” Agent Hill asked.

“Not directly. It cannot look like I am helping you before I get the Soldier out of there. I’ll be killed within seconds,” Steve said. “So, what’s the plan?” The four of them exchanged a look before the Captain nodded and leaned forward. 

“So, this is what’s gonna happen.” 

***  
Not two days later were the helicarriers scheduled to launch. Steve was called back to wake the Soldier the day before, going through the regular routine. During the night, the Soldier was expected to rest, and Steve elected to watch over him. Once they were alone, Steve began his work. He tore through file cabinets and desk drawers, searching for the file on the Winter Soldier. When that search was fruitless he began checking more unconventional places like air ducts and ceiling tiles. It was by pure luck he ended up finding the file. He was standing on the desk in the head scientist’s office and when he jumped down, the floorboard under his left foot moved. Steve froze for a moment, glancing around, before putting all his weight on his left foot. He watched as the other end of the floorboard rose and he grabbed it, lifting it away and there it was – the Winter Soldier file. He pulled it out and replaced the floorboard before leaving and hurrying down the hall to the room where the Soldier was resting which just meant sitting on the floor with his legs folded until someone gave him an order. Steve sat down on the floor across from the Soldier and opened the file. 

“I can’t-” Steve muttered once he finished reading. He felt sick. If Project Insight wasn’t enough to take down Hydra, this one file was. Steve could barely get through the descriptions of torture the Soldier went through, couldn’t stomach the experimentation the Soldier was forced into. The Soldier looked up at Steve’s voice, face blank with the barest hint of concern in his eyes. 

“I’m fine, pal,” Steve said, slipping in the nickname he would call the Soldier on extended missions. “But you’re not. Fuck, you’re really not okay. But I am going to fix this, I promise I am. You are not just the Winter Soldier, you are not just a weapon. You’re James Buchanan Barnes.” The Soldier just watched him. Steve sighed and moved closer. “You’re James, and I’m going to help you remember that.” Steve took a deep breath and settled in to sit with James the rest of the night, only moving when he could hear the shuffle of feet outside. He stood and walked outside to greet whoever was there, the file shoved under the back of his shirt and down his pants. 

“What time are we moving out?” he asked the agent.

“0700,” the agent said curtly without a glance at Steve. That was only an hour away. Steve nodded and went back to the Soldier – to James. He had a plan, but he wasn’t sure if it would work. He closed the door behind him and looked around. “Alright Soldier, your mission is complicated. You are to attempt to stop Captain America and his friends, but you are not to succeed. They need to finish their mission. Later I will give you another mission with contradicting orders and you are to ignore that mission, do you understand?” 

“Yes, I understand,” James nodded once. Steve let out a sigh of relief. So many things could still go wrong. 

“Good. Let’s get geared up then, we leave in forty-five.” Steve led James down the hallway to the armory and handed him each piece of tac gear to put on, checking it over once he was finished. Steve geared up quickly and then led James outside and to the waiting transport van. They sat across from each other and went through their usual regimen, Steve handing James the many weapons and James sliding them into place. “Your mission is to find and kill Captain America and associates,” he said gruffly. Finally, Steve held out the mask and goggles for James but before he could take them, Steve grabbed his hand. 

“I’m going to get you out of this,” he whispered, so quietly that no one else would have been able to hear. “I’m not letting you go back in that chair.” James looked at him wide-eyed for a moment before Steve let go, allowing James to put on the mask and goggles. Soon the van came to a stop and they both climbed out. They were in the basement of SHIELD headquarters and as they made their way up to the flight deck, the Captain’s voice played over the speakers, announcing the infiltration of Hydra and Project Insight. Steve took a deep breath and looked to James. “The Captain and one of his associates are already on the helicarriers. We’ll fly up and stop them there. Let’s go.” James nodded and followed him to one of the fighter jets, climbing in easily. Steve climbed in after and sat in the pilot’s seat. He glanced back at James one last time before taking off and flying up to the empty helicarrier. He landed and walked out with James, going down to the mainframe where the Captain would need to come to switch the chips. 

“Are you ready?” Steve asked James and the other man nodded. 

“Soldat,” Pierce’s voice came through their comms unit. James froze in front of him. 

“Pierce,” Steve said slowly. “What are you doing?”

“You’ve become a liability, Agent. You need to be taken out. Soldat, soblyudat',” Pierce said, and James stood to attention. “New mission, kill Steven Grant Rogers.” Steve’s eyes widened, and he looked at James who turned to face him. 

“James…please don’t make me do this,” Steve said, looking at him, breathing heavily. James stared at him for a long time until, within in the blink of an eye, James had flung one of his knives at Steve. Steve barely dodged it, throwing himself against the railing. Before he could regain his balance, James had thrown him over the railing and onto the glass bottom. Steve landed with a thud, groaning at the impact. He pushed himself up slowly, James jumping down to join him. Steve looked up at him. “This isn’t you. You’re James Buchanan Barnes, you’re better than this,” he stood up straight and looked at James. “You’re more than what Hydra made you.”

“Shut up!” James shouted and tackled him to the ground. Steve grunted as the whole helicarrier shook with the gunfire from the other two. At least the Captain had succeeded taking down Project Insight. 

“James, listen to me,” Steve let his head fall back against the cracked glass. “You are not just the Winter Soldier. You are a person, a human being! You are not just a weapon!” 

“Shut up!” he repeated. “You’re my mission!” James pulled back his metal fist and began punching Steve’s face. “You’re. My. Mission!” He punctuated each word with another hit. 

“Then finish it, James cause I’m not going anywhere,” Steve said. He looked up at James and saw recognition flash in his eyes just as one of the supporting beams fell just to the left of them, causing Steve to fall from the helicarrier. The wind was loud in Steve’s ears, his vision clouded with the burning red of fire, and he could smell nothing but the acrid smoke until he hit the water, blacking out as he sunk slowly, water filling his lungs. 

***  
Steve woke slowly. He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a small room, laying on a thin mattress that rested on the floor in the corner. The only other furniture in the room was a small folding table and two chairs against the opposite wall with a window over it, the only source of light. Just as he sat up, the door he hadn’t noticed next to the mattress opened. Steve immediately tried to move into a defensive position but a sharp pain but a sharp pain in his ribs and ache in his legs stopped him. 

“Lay still,” a voice said from above him. Steve furrowed his brow and looked up, surprised to see the Soldier – James – standing there. “You’re injured. Your body needs rest to heal.” Steve nodded weakly and oved bac to lean against the wall. 

“How long was I out?” Steve asked, breathing heavily as he watched James cross the room and sit at the table. 

“It’s been 42 hours,” James replied. 

“Where are we? Hydra safehouse?” James shook his head and snorted, the first sound Steve had ever heard him make outside of a verbal reply.

“Hydra is gone. Pierce is dead and one of the Avengers released all SHIELD files onto the internet. This is an abandoned house approximately three hours outside of Washington D.C.,” James explained. 

“You’re not speaking like the Soldier,” Steve observed aloud. “How are you feeling?” 

“Confused, mostly,” James shrugged. “There’s a lot going on in my head and I can’t make out any of it. Mostly just a lot of pain, blood That kind of thing.” 

“Do you remember anything about who you are, who you were before Hydra turned you into the Winter Soldier?” Steve asked, grunting in pain as he adjusted his posture. James shot him a look and Steve halted his movement. 

“No, I haven’t. But you said – you said my name was James. James Buchanan Barnes,” James frowned slightly. “That sounds right but it doesn’t feel right.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Steve said. “Why did you pull me from the river?” James sat quietly for a long moment before answering. 

“You were kind to me. You…you took care of me when everyone else wanted to use me or hurt me. Even if I didn’t remember what exactly you did for me every time I was unfrozen, I remembered how you made me feel. You made me feel…safe,” James took a deep breath. “Why did you do that? I am a weapon.” 

“You’re not,” Steve said instantly. “You’re not just a weapon, you’re a human being. You are more than what they made you. That’s why I treated you like I did, because you’re a human and you deserve to be treated as such.” James watched Steve closely as he spoke. After a moment, he nodded, accepting the answer. 

“We can’t stay here, been here too long already. As soon as you can move, we will leave,” James decided. “For now, we need supplies.” Steve nodded. 

“Yes, we do. Do you know what to get?” James shook his hood. “Okay. Non-perishable food in boxes, water, new clothes, and medicine. Hydrogen peroxide, bandages, ibuprofen or something. And money,” Steve finished. While he didn’t like the idea of stealing, he and James needed survive and they also needed to get the hell out of D.C. 

“I will be back within two hours,” James said. “Do not move. You are still too weak.” Steve laughed feebly and nodded 

“I’ll be here, promise,” Steve said. “Be safe.”

“I’m the Winter Soldier, no one will ever see me,” James scoffed and stood, walking out of the room after glancing at Steve one last time. Steve sighed and dropped his head back against the wall, settling in to wait. 

“Wake up,” Steve startled awake as James shook him. “We have to move now, I have a car waiting outside.” Steve sat up and blinked confusedly. 

“What happened?” he asked, looking up at James. 

“Hydra has been looking for us. There were unexpected cameras in the clothing store. If they’re hacking into security feeds they might see me,” James said and hooked his arms under Steve’s knees and back, lifting him easily. Steve yelped in surprise and clung to James’ shoulders. James ignored him and rushed out to the car he had commandeered for them. It turned out to be a truck, a few years old and a nondescript dark blue. James threw open the passenger side door and set Steve down on the bench seat, hurrying around to get in, throwing the gear into drive, peeling away from the run-down house.

“So where are we going now, then?” Steve asked, looking over at James. 

“New York. Easy to disappear there. And I just…I feel drawn to it,” he explained, taking a deep breath. “But we’ll head south for a while, stop at a bank, make a withdrawal from one of the Hydra accounts, and then head for New York.” Steve nodded.

“Sounds like a good plan. But when do we stop running?” James froze at the question. “Look, maybe I could get in touch with Captain America? I went to him and SHIELD before everything went down with Project Insight. He might be able to help.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” James shook his head. “They might let you go, but I’m the Winter Soldier Steve. If they didn’t kill me on sight they would lock me up.” 

“I wouldn’t let them,” Steve said sharply. “And they know that. I already had to threaten them. I wasn’t made your handler for shits and giggles.” James looked over at him and rolled his eyes. 

“Not yet. I need some more time,” he eventually said. “More time to figure out who I am.” 

“Of course,” Steve nodded. “Where will we stay in the city then?” 

“There are several old SHIELD safehouses that are out of commission, not to mention abandoned buildings. We will only stay somewhere one day,” James explained. 

“Did you get everything we needed? I need to get out of these clothes,” Steve asked, picking at the stiff fabric of his pants. James nodded and reached into the small backseat, dropping a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt, and a dark red jacket on Steve’s lap. 

“We can stop in about half an hour, so you can change. Need gas anyway,” James said. Steve looked over and noticed for the first time that James was wearing civilian clothing. He also had on jeans, a red shirt over a black one with a jacket over everything and a baseball cap on his head. He also had a glove covering his metal hand. Steve leant his head back and closed his eyes, letting the low hum of the engine relax him. 

Before he knew it, the truck was coming to a stop. Steve opened his eyes and looked around. They were at a mostly empty gas station on a lone stretch of road with nothing in sight. James was already filling the tank, leaning against the side of the truck. Steve grabbed the pile of clothes which now included a pair of boots with socks, a similar hat to James, and a pair of sunglasses stuffed inside. Steve opened the door and slid out carefully, wincing a little. He grabbed the stack and tucked it under his arm. He took a few steps toward the building and then stumbled a bit, falling against the side of the truck. 

“James,” he said, breathing deeply as he looked over the hood at the other man. James turned to him as soon as he heard Steve say his name. “I’m not going to make it inside, much less be able to change clothes.” James’ eyes widened fractionally before he nodded and walked around, sliding his arm around Steve’s waist. They hobbled across the parking lot and inside, going straight toward the bathroom in the back. James locked the door behind them as Steve collapsed onto the toilet. Without a word, James dropped to his knees in front of Steve and began unlacing his boots. Steve bit his lip and dropped his head back so he wouldn’t have to look at James, didn’t have that visual. He needed to get a grip, less than a week ago, James didn’t even know his own name. He felt James pull his boots and socks off and when he reached for Steve’s fly, he grabbed James’ hands, stopping him before he could feel anything that Steve didn’t want to have to explain. 

“I think I can get them off,” he said. “At least these. I don’t think I can lift my arms above my head.” James nodded and stood, moving back to let Steve unzip and unbutton his pants, raising his hips enough to push them down past his knees and to his ankles. When he bent down to pull them off completely, a sharp pain in his abdomen caused him to wince and James was at his side instantly, straightening him up with a glare. He yanked the pants off and dropped them in the trash. James pulled a knife from somewhere Steve couldn’t see and grabbed the collar of Steve’s shirt, cutting it off his torso. He threw the ruined fabric into the trash as well and then grabbed the new clothes off the sink counter. They started with the pants, James working them up Steve’s legs, lifting him up to stand briefly to get the waistband over his hips. Steve closed his eyes and tried his best to ignore how it felt to have James’s hands on him, on his bare thigh. James set him back down on the toilet to wrangle the shirt over his head, putting his arms through the sleeves one at time. Steve slipping the jacket on as James put the socks and boots on, tying them tightly. 

“Ready to go?” James asked, helping Steve stand. He nodded breathlessly and held his ribs where there was a dull ache. 

“Yes. Let’s get out of here,” Steve said, letting James help him back out to the truck and into the seat. James hurried around and got in, pulling out of the gas station parking lot. Steve sighed and leant his head back against the seat.

 

***  
Once they were in the city, it took James no time at all, Steve noticed, to find them somewhere to stay the night. They snuck into an old SHIELD safehouse in what Steve thinks is Manhattan. While it was dusty and mostly barren, it was safe for one night. After James got Steve settled inside on an old armchair, he left without a word. Steve watched him climb out the window and sighed, alone for the first time in almost twenty-four hours. He turned to stare at the bare wall, the paint peeling around the edges. The drive to New York was mostly quiet, James asking a question every so often. Sometimes it was a personal question, he wanted to know about Steve’s family, his history with Hydra. Sometimes they were questions about history as James got flashes of missions he went on. Nothing seemed to be coming back from before he was the Winter Soldier based on what he asked, but Steve was glad he was remembering anything at all.

James didn’t return for another two hours and Steve filled the time by eating, stuffing his mouth from a bag of chips. He looked up when the he heard the telltale sounds of the window opening, James dropping through and onto the floor.

“Parked the truck over in Queens,” James explained. “You need to rest.” 

“You need to rest,” Steve argued. “You drove the whole time with no breaks. Get some sleep, James.”

“I’m fine. I can go up to forty-eight hours without sleep,” James said.

“I know what you can survive on. Doesn’t mean that’s how you should live. You’re not trapped anymore James. You’re not a prisoner,” Steve sighed.

“You are not able to defend yourself currently,” James retorted, shaking his head. “I have to keep you safe.”

“You know you don’t have to. I’m not your handler anymore, James. If you want to leave, you can,” Steve said. “You’re a free man.” 

“And if I don’t want to leave you?” James asked, and if Steve didn’t know any better, he would say James looked almost shy as he spoke. 

“Then I would say you’re stuck with me,” Steve said, grinning modestly. 

“Guess I am,” James muttered and sat down on the floor next to the armchair Steve was occupying. “Sleep. I’ll wake you in a few hours and I’ll sleep then.” Steve nodded his consent and relaxed as much as he could, drifting off easily as he listened to James’ nearly silent breathing.

***  
James picked a new place to sleep every night for two weeks, carting Steve around until he could finally walk by himself. His bruises were gone, and his ribs and legs were completely healed. Steve was sitting on the floor reading a book James had swiped from a park bench and James was sitting across from him, cleaning his numerous knives. Steve watched as James finished and laid them all out on the floor in front of him.

“It’s time,” he said, looking up at Steve. Steve nodded and sighed, closing the book and setting it down. 

“Wait here. I’ll come get you in a few hours, after I’ve negotiated. Remember, more than six and you run,” Steve said sternly. “Don’t wait for me or try to find me. Protect yourself.” James glared and nodded almost reluctantly. “Don’t wait up for me.” James huffed out a laugh.

“Got it,” he said. Steve nodded once and walked out of the back of the building. He walked down back alleys and side streets until he was a few miles away and then walked by an ATM, looking straight at the camera. He continued down the street, making eye contact with every camera he could find. He made it a few blocks before he noticed the redhead, Natasha, tailing him. He pretended not to notice and kept walking, making it into Central Park. He walked along one of the paths until he got to a bench and sat down. Natasha sat down next to him a moment later. 

“What do you want?” she asked, looking straight ahead, eyes behind a pair of dark sunglasses.

“Hydra is looking for us. We can’t keep running forever,” Steve said simply.

“We?” Natasha was clearly surprised, glancing over to meet his gaze. “You have the Winter Soldier?” Steve’s eyes narrowed at her.

“I don’t have anyone. James and I are…traveling together,” he corrected her sharply.

“Hydra’s top leaders were killed or arrested, and all their secrets leaked online,” Natasha said. 

“And you’re too smart to know that that won’t stop them. They want the Winter Soldier back. They called him the Fist of Hydra for a reason,” Steve shook his head. 

“So why should we offer the Winter Soldier, the deadliest assassin known to man, and his handler protection?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Because James is getting his memories back and he knows more about Hydra than anyone currently alive and he’s willing to give out that information to the highest bidder. He’s also the longest serving prisoner of war ever and he deserves some peace,” Steve said and raised his eyebrows. “And if you don’t agree to help us, you’ll never see him again. If I don’t return by a specified time, he runs and never looks back.” Natasha listened carefully and nodded.

“And what conditions are there to this protection?” she asked. 

“He’s not locked up, he’s not quarantined, he’s not even put on house arrest. All the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier are pardoned. He’s given money to obtain means of survival. If you can guarantee all that, he will tell you everything he knows about Hydra,” Steve said and looked around the park. “Take it or leave it.” 

“And what about you?” Natasha asked. “You didn’t mention anything about yourself. We could have you arrested.” Steve laughed.

“Honestly, you could, and I wouldn’t protest. I did a lot of bad while I worked for Hydra. But those were my conditions. James’ are different. He wants my crimes pardoned as well. He wants my records with Hydra destroyed. He wants the Winter Soldier file destroyed and all information surrounding the serum they gave us destroyed. He wants to be able to live on his own, no SHIELD facilities. And he wants a new arm,” Steve finished and looked back at her. “Can you do all that?” 

“I’m sure I can pull some strings. But what do you mean the serum they gave us? We know that the…that James was experimented on during his first tenure as a POW and Zola injected him with some kind of enhancing serum but what about you?” Natasha asked, brows furrowed.

“Before I was 25, I was a skinny, 5’3”, asthmatic kid with anemia, scoliosis, and a number of heart problems. Hydra began trying to recruit me, but they didn’t have a use for someone who would keel over at gust of wind that blew too hard. So, they offered me some drugs that would help, and I said yes. I thought I was going to change the world for the better and live past 30 at the same time. Didn’t quite end up that way but I’m turning 30 this year so I’ve got that going for me at least,” Steve shrugged. “The drugs they gave me were a simplified version of the serum they gave James in the forties. I don’t really heal much faster but I’m healthier than your average Joe.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Natasha said. “We need the information on Hydra and you need somewhere safe to go. Get the Sold-” she stopped herself. “Get James and bring him to Stark Tower. Then we can all sit down and go over specifics.” 

“We’ll be there in about an hour,” Steve stood and looked down at Natasha. “Have a good day, ma’am. Was nice talking to you.” He walked down the path they way they originally came, disappearing from her view within moments. He made his way back to their current hideout, avoiding all cameras and doubling back every so often to make sure he wasn’t followed. “James?” he said when he finally made it back, shutting the door behind him. He walked into the room where James had been before he left to find the other man curled up in the corner. He was asleep, but he was fidgeting and muttering restlessly. Steve frowned and walked over, kneeling next to him. “James-” before he could get another word out, he was flat on his back with a metal fist closing around his neck. Steve looked up at James who was panting, glaring down at him. After a moment, recognition flashed across James’ face and let go, immediately moving off of Steve and pushing himself into the corner again. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, over and over again. He curled up around himself and tucked his head between his knees. Steve hurried to kneel next to him again.

“It’s okay, James, I’m fine. Look at me, you didn’t hurt me,” Steve reassured him. He didn’t reach out to touch James as much as he wanted, not sure if it would set him off again. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Steve repeated himself until James finally looked up at him.

“I really didn’t hurt you?” he whispered. Steve shook his head.

“Not at all. I’m perfectly fine,” Steve tentatively reached out and wrapped his arm around James’ shoulders. “Not even a bruise. I know you would never intentionally hurt me.” Steve swallowed and let out a deep breath, pulling James closer. He let the other man fall against his chest and leant back against the wall, so they were supported. “And, whenever you’re ready, we can head to Stark Tower. They agreed to our terms.” 

“They did? Both of our terms?” James’ asked, picking his head up off Steve’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, pal, both of our terms. I told Widow that I would come get you and make our way to the Tower when we were ready. So, take your time, we’re not in a rush,” Steve smiled and squeezed James’ shoulder. “You’re going to be alright.” 

***  
A month of living in the tower, of seeing therapists and neurologists, had done James a world of good. It seemed he was remembering more, talking about his time as the Winter Soldier, and giving any information he recalled about Hydra directly to Maria Hill. But he still wasn’t remembering much about himself, about James Buchanan Barnes, or if he was he wasn’t telling Steve. Steve, meanwhile, had been occupying his time by drawing. Before he joined Hydra, he was in art school and now with no job, he had the time to do what he wanted again. He was currently sketching James while the other man was asleep, stretched out on the sofa, Steve in the armchair. His sketchbook was propped up against his leg. As Steve was working on James’ hair and the way it fell over his face, James began to stir. Steve snapped the sketchbook shut, not willing to let James see the pages upon pages of his own face drawn out in lead. James sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. He looked around until he found Steve, and relaxed. 

“How long was I out?” he asked.

“About three hours. Did you not sleep well last night?” Steve inquired. He didn’t like that James wasn’t getting an adequate amount of rest. James shook his head.

“Another nightmare,” that was al the explanation Steve needed.

“You hungry?” he asked, changing the subject. He knew James didn’t like talking about his nightmares, just flashbacks of the things he did, people he killed. “We could finally go try that Ethiopian place.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll go change,” James stood and went back to his room. Steve got up and sat his sketchbook down on the coffee table. James joined him as Steve slipped his wallet and keys into his pocket. They took the elevator down silently and exited the lobby before speaking again. While their floor was devoid of the AI that controlled the rest of the tower, no where else was and they valued their privacy too much to allow Tony Stark to spy on them.

“Are your afternoon naps the only time you get restful sleep?” Steve asked as they walked. They moved closer together, doing their best to avoid contact with anyone else. James nodded.

“Don’t have nightmares when you’re in the room,” James said. Steve’s eyes widened, and he looked at James.

“Oh.” 

“Is that a problem?” James’ eyes narrowed, and his mouth pursed slightly.

“No, God, of course not,” Steve hurried to deny. “But, if I’m in what’s preventing your nightmares, why don’t you sleep with me?” James smirked up at him and Steve blushed. “No – not like that!” 

“Relax, Rogers, I know what you meant. And it’s because when I wake up from a nightmare, I can get…violent. You’ve experienced that first hand,” James said and sighed.

“Won’t be a problem if you don’t have any nightmares,” Steve said simply. “And if you become violent, I can deal with it. Your handler, remember?” James rolled his eyes. “Look, we can try it tonight, okay? Trial run.”

“Fine,” James relented. “One night and if I do anything I’m going back to my room and locking the door.” 

“Sure. I’ll even prop a chair against the doorknob if you want,” Steve said. James scowled and opened the door to the restaurant. They were seated and given menus quickly at a small table toward the back of the dining room. “Anything look good?” Steve asked after a few minutes. James didn’t respond, and Steve frowned, lowering his menu to look across the table at James. James was sitting silently and unmoving, staring down at the tabletop. “James,” Steve repeated once more. When James still didn’t respond, Steve reached forward and grabbed James’ hand. “James!” It seemed to do the trick because James’ head snapped up and his eyes met Steve’s.

“Bucky,” he said breathlessly. 

“What?” Steve furrowed his brows. “What’s a bucky?”

“My name,” James said. “Too many James on the street and my sister couldn’t pronounce Buchanan. So, she called me Bucky.” 

“Bucky, then. Is that what you want me to call you?” Steve asked, and James nodded.

“Yes. My name is Bucky,” Bucky said. Steve grinned.

“Alright then, Bucky. You see anything that sounds good?” he asked. Bucky smiled back, small and insecure, but it was a smile all the same.

“Just about everything,” Bucky offered, shrugging. “Now that I can finally eat solid food again, I want to try anything I can get my hands on.” Steve laughed and nodded as their server came around and ordered them both multiple dishes. “Thank you,” Bucky said once their waiter left, blushing just a little. 

“You’re welcome, but it’s not necessary,” Steve said and shrugged. “You know I’m here for you no matter what.” Bucky looked over at him and took a deep breath and nodded.

***  
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want, Bucky. I know I pushed at dinner but whatever makes you most comfortable,” Steve said, looking over at Bucky. They were stood at the foot of Steve’s bed, both dressed in sweats and ready to go to sleep.

“No, no. If this works, it’ll be better for me. I’ll get actual sleep for the first time since ’44,” Bucky joked, though his voice was dry. “Are you sure you want to do this? Sleep with the world’s most dangerous assassin next to you in bed?” Steve rolled his eyes.

“You know I don’t care about that. You’re Bucky. Now get in bed,” Steve said, shutting the overhead light off. That left only the bedside lamps on, giving the room an almost romantic glow. Bucky nodded and climbed onto the left side of the bed, so he was sleeping with his back to the wall. Steve laid down next to him and grabbed his book from his nightstand, opening it to where he left off the night before. By the time he read through five pages, Bucky was fast asleep. Steve smiled fondly and looked back to his book. He couldn’t concentrate for long as he kept getting distracted by Bucky, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the shape of his lips, and the way his eyelids and nose twitched. He finally decided to call it a night and put his book down and turned the lamp off. After settling down on his back, he turned his head to watch Bucky and he slowly drifted off. 

Steve woke the next morning to an unfamiliar wight on his arm and shoulder. He opened his eyes and glanced down to see Bucky fast asleep. He was tucked into Steve’s side, his head on Steve’s shoulder, his flesh arm on Steve’s chest. Steve looked over at the beside table and his eyes widened – 9:21am. Neither of them had been able to sleep past six since they came to the tower. Steve turned back to Bucky and relaxed into the mattress. He would gladly lay there all day until Bucky woke on his own and he did just that. He laid in bed for over half an hour before Bucky began to stir. He sat up when he finally noticed their position, frowning and rubbing his eyes. 

“God, I’m so sorry Steve. I didn’t mean to…it was an accident,” Bucky said, burying his face in his hands. 

“Buck, it’s okay,” Steve pushed himself into a sitting position next to Bucky. He rubbed a hand over Bucky’s back. “I didn’t mind, it’s not a big deal.” 

“Of course, it’s a big deal!” Bucky growled. “If anyone had walked in…” he trailed off, shaking his head.

“Bucky,” Steve said hesitantly. “You know that’s not illegal anymore, don’t you?” Bucky froze for a moment. 

“What?” he whispered. “What do you mean it’s not illegal?” 

“Being gay, queer. Last year the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage was constitutional,” Steve explained. “A few years ago, the president repealed an act and it allowed people to be openly gay in the military. It’s okay now, Buck.” Bucky looked up at Steve, eyes wide. 

“It’s really okay now?” he asked weakly. Steve nodded.

“There’s a lot more than just that too. I’m bisexual, means I like men and women,” Steve said, watching the surprise on Bucky’s face. Bucky shook his head after a moment. 

“Always went with dames,” he muttered. “Took them out dancing and kissed them goodnight but they never did it,” Bucky spoke slowly, as if he was remembering what happened with every word. “Looked at the fellas, thought of them when I touched myself.” Steve choked on his own breath at the confession but did his best to cover it with a cough. 

“It’s okay now, Buck. You don’t have to hide that anymore, if you don’t want,” Steve carefully wrapped his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and pulled him close. “We’ve come a long way since the ‘30’s. I’m not saying we’re perfect, but we’ve definitely made some improvements.” 

“Tell me about them?” Bucky requested quietly. “I want to know – know how much Hydra didn’t succeed.” 

“Alright, well, same-sex marriage is legal in all fifty states and a lot of other countries as well. In the ‘60’s, there was a civil rights movement for black people and now they have all the same rights. Country is still racist as fuck but over the last few years there have been massive protests. Women work, almost all of them. We got vaccines now, too,” Steve finished.

“What are vaccines?” Bucky asked, looking up at Steve. 

“They’re injections you get as a kid to stop from getting a disease. We got them for measles, mumps, polio,” Bucky’s eyes widened as he listened to Steve. 

“That’s…wow. I never thought medicine would come that far,” he said thoughtfully. “I had a friend, when I was a kid. Died when he…nine, I think? From pneumonia or something.” 

“I’m sorry you lost your friend. Stuff like that, fevers and colds are nothing more than an inconvenience and a day or two off work now,” Steve said. Bucky nodded.

“Thank you for telling me all this. It’s nice to know that the world didn’t just go to shit,” Steve laughed, carefree and loud, hand coming up to clutch his chest. “And thank you for letting me into your bed. It helped, having you near.”

“I’m glad, Buck. You can sleep in here whenever you need,” Steve offered.

“And what if that’s every night?” Bucky asked hesitantly. 

“Then I’m looking forward to sharing my bed,” Steve said. Bucky smiled at him shyly.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“Not a problem, Buck. Are you hungry? I could use some breakfast,” Steve said as he tightened his grip on Bucky’s shoulders for just a moment before letting go. 

***  
Over a year after Bucky had agreed to the Avengers’ terms, he decided he wanted to move. He wanted to move out of the tower and into his own place – and that’s exactly what he told Steve. 

“You want to move?” Steve asked, surprise clear on his face. Bucky nodded.

“It was nice to live here, to have so many people that could help around, but it’s time to live on my own,” Bucky explained. “It’s the next step in my recovery.” 

“Well, Buck, I think that’s a great idea,” Steve said, smiling tightly. “Let me know if you need help with anything, yeah?” Bucky frowned a little.

“Steve-” he started but Steve stood, cutting him off.

“I’m going to go for a run,” he said. “I’ll be back later.” Bucky watched as Steve walked down the short hall to his bedroom. Bucky pulled his phone from his pocket and texted Sam, asking if he would come up to his floor. When he got the affirmative response, Bucky planted himself on the couch to wait. He watched as Steve came back out dressed in his running gear and leave without saying a word, just a small wave before the elevator doors closed. Only moments later the doors opened again to reveal Sam. 

“So, what’s the purpose for this?” Sam asked as he sat down next to Bucky.

“Maybe I just wanted to hang out with my good buddy Sam,” Bucky protested. Sam raised his eyebrows and gave Bucky his best disappointed Captain America look. Bucky sighed. “Fine. I told Steve I wanted to move out and he said it was a good idea, but he was upset, and he left right after without saying anything. Went out for a run.”

“And did you tell him you wanted hi to move with you?” Sam asked. “Or did you just say that you wanted to move out?” 

“Oh,” Bucky looked down at his lap. “I thought it was implied.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“That’s not something that can be implied. You have to be clear about this kind of stuff,” Sam said. “So, you also have yet to tell him why you want him to moveout with you then?” 

“Yes,” Bucky sighed. “We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for a year. He’s felt my morning wood, Sam! He’s seen me naked. We cuddle when we watch movies and he reads to me at night. How could he not know how I feel?”

“Look Barnes, I haven’t gotten to know Steve as well as you, but from what I’ve read from his file and what you’ve told me, he seems very…cautious about things. And he cares about you more than anything. I can’t tell you how many times he threatened to kill us if anything happened to you in the first few weeks,” Sam said. “You’re going to have to just come out and tell him.”

“I know, I know,” Bucky said. “But what if he doesn’t feel the same?” Sam snorted.

“Yeah, okay. He’s been in love with you since he came us while we were working to take down Hydra,” Sam laughed and shook his head. 

“What?” Bucky’s head shot up to look at him. “What do you mean?” 

“Before we took down the helicarriers he came to see us. We showed him your file, what we had anyway,” Sam said. “We didn’t know if James Barnes was actually, you know, you, and Steve looked at one picture of you from the war and said it was. Said that he had looked at you enough to know your face anywhere. Then he threatened to kill my partner for asking if we should take you down.” Bucky stared at Sam, eyes wide.

“He really said that?” Bucky asked. Sam nodded. “You have to go! I have to be waiting for Steve and we need to be alone!” Sam laughed again and stood. 

“Alright Barnes, let me know how it goes later,” he said and made his way over to the elevator. The doors opened, and he stepped inside. “Good luck.” 

Only half an hour later, the doors opened once more to reveal Steve. He was wearing his running clothes still but now the collar was drenched in sweat and tight across his chest. Bucky loved it. When Steve saw Bucky, he looked a bit taken aback.

“I want you to move with me,” Bucky blurted, blushing as soon as the words left his mouth.

“You what?” Steve asked, frozen where he stood.

“When I told you, I wanted to move out earlier, I thought…I meant that I wanted us to move out. Together,” Bucky said, biting his lip nervously.

“You want us to move to another apartment? Out of the tower? Just the two of us?” Bucky nodded earnestly. 

“I realize that even thought I knew that I wanted you to move with me, I didn’t tell you that,” Bucky said. “I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear before. Do you…want that? To move with me?” Steve huffed out a laugh. 

“Yeah Bucky, I would love to,” he said, smiling softly. Bucky beamed and vaulted over the back of the couch and hugged Steve tightly. Bucky felt Steve embrace him just as tightly, arms wrapped around him. 

“Sam told me something,” Bucky whispered. “When I was talking to him. Said that you said you would know my face anywhere.” 

“I did say that,” Steve confirmed. “It’s true. I would.” 

“Why would you know my face like that, Steve?” Bucky asked, looking up at him, their eyes meeting.

“I think you know why, Buck,” Steve muttered, swallowing heavily. 

“I need to hear you say it,” Bucky shook his head. “Need to hear it in your voice.”

“Because I love you,” Steve said, leaning his forehead against Bucky’s. Bucky’s breath hitched, and he tilted his head up slowly until his lips met. Bucky gasped into the kiss s one of Steve’s hands came up to cradle Bucky’s jaw. Bucky pressed his entire body against Steve’s wrapping his arms around his neck. 

“I love you too,” Bucky said against Steve’s lips. Steve finally pulled back and looked down at him again. 

“How long?” Steve asked softly, fingers lightly scratching Bucky’s scalp.

“About six months,” Bucky admitted. “But I’ve been attracted to you pretty much since I remembered who I was. What about you? How long have you…loved me?” Bucky smiled at his own words.

“About a year and a half,” Steve said. Bucky’s head snapped up to meet Steve’s eyes. 

“What? How could you? I was still the Winter Soldier,” he said, brows furrowed.

“We were on a mission, long-term. You never remembered who you were or anything about your past, but your personality started showing through the Soldier. You hesitated in completing the hits, showed compassion. And you’ve always been beautiful. Harder to see through the lack of basic care and hygiene Hydra gave you but it was still there,” Steve explained. “Every mission we went on together after just escalated my feelings. Knew for sure after you remembered, of course, but I’ve been pulled you for a lot longer.” Bucky’s grin widened, and he pulled Steve into a longer kiss, backing him up against the elevator doors. 

“So,” Bucky started after detaching their lips. “How does Brooklyn sound?” 

“As long as I’ve got you, it sounds like home,” Steve said softly and pressed his lips to Bucky’s once more.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://hazloveshisboo.tumblr.com)


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